sanz.shares: Time to Talk Mental Health

Hey beautifuls!

So today is Time to Talk Day about Mental Health. I have decided to upload this post to raise the thoughts about mental health and start conversations going about it. The purpose of today is to get the whole nation talking about mental health and helping to stop the discrimination against it by stopping the social stigma attached. For those of you who know me well, will know that I am very passionate when it comes to conversations about mental illnesses and well being because I have strong views about it. I want to be able to help those who are scared or worried about speaking out; to let them know that we shouldn't be afraid of the discrimination against mental health and we certainly cannot let it stop us for seeking help and support. I want to be able to inspire people who are bottling their feelings inside and most importantly, I want to let you guys know that you're not alone. 

I am aware that this post will be fairly long , but I believe that this topic is too important to ignore. There will be many future blog posts about mental health and any questions that come along with it. If any of you have any questions or topics you would like me to talk about in these future blog posts then please do contact me and I'll be more than happy to do so. 

For today's purpose, I have built up the courage to share with you all about my mental health story and experience. I hope that my story can give hope, inspire and also make people see things in a different perspective.

So here is my story:

On Monday 12th January 2015, I was diagnosed with severe depression. I have been battling depression for over a year and I am still here, continuing to fight it. I must admit, that 2015 was the most difficult year that I have ever had to go through in my life, but I have made it through to 2016 which is saying something. I did it. I made it through a complete year, despite it being so hard for me and those around me, including family and friends. 

I am going to share the ups and downs of my mental illness story but I'm hoping that both sides can be beneficial to all of you, whether you are suffering from a mental illness, whether you think you are or whether you know someone who is fighting through it. 

I am going to be completely open and truthful about my experience and I do not intend to upset, hurt or trigger anybody by this. If you feel as though this will make you uncomfortable then I strongly suggest that you don't read because the last thing I'd want to do is to hurt anybody. 

Throughout the last year, I have had up to 3 suicide attempts, with one being quite major. There have been quite a few times within the last year where I've had to go to hospital because of my suicidal thoughts or actions. I am still going through this illness and I am aware that it's a part of me now which I accept. Although I am confident enough to speak out about it, this does not mean those thoughts and feelings are not there anymore because I do have my moments. I have experienced many times of self harm, which I won't go into right now. I have questioned my life and existence countless amount of times, I've questioned myself from head to toe repeatedly within the last year and it has changed my life completely. Thoughts of worthlessness, uselessness and not being good enough for anybody or anything has been on my mind even way before my diagnosis. There were days where I didn't see the point in getting out of bed, there were days where I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anybody, there were days that I stopped eating, there were nights that I didn't go to sleep at all, there were times where the most littlest things in any other person's eyes were easy to do, it was the most difficult thing for me in the world. Getting up was effort, brushing my teeth was effort, changing my clothes was effort, writing was effort, talking was effort and life was just too much effort which I didn't care in trying for. 

I cannot expect anybody to understand what I am explaining unless you have been through it yourself but I am trying to speak out for people to become aware of how serious mental health problems can be. Mental illness should be seen and treated like any other illness such as cancer or diabetes. 

I have had a huge amount of support since my diagnosis, from family, friends, school and my therapist. I believe that, without any of them I probably wouldn't have been here today. I am forever grateful those people even if it doesn't seem like it, so thank you to you all. It has been a difficult journey for them all as well as me but I hope for this journey to continue in a positive way. 

I started to see a therapist at a mental health clinic by the end of January last year - where my GP referred me to. I saw that therapist every week until the beginning of year 11 which was when I had been referred to a different therapist. I still have therapy every week and I was also put on anti depressants from December 2015. I felt as though the therapy was not working as much as I needed it to, so balancing it with the medication was thought to be a better route for me. Ever since the medication, I have seen a positive change in my life even though I do have my episodes every now and then, it's important to know how the medication works and I must accept the way it works. 

I can definitely say that I have changed massively within the last year from where I started as having depression. However, I am not completely better, I am still battling depression but with the help of others, the medication and my own hope, hopefully I can get through this. Now I am not ashamed to speak out and say I have depression because it is honestly nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, I think that having this experience has made me see things so differently and my views on life and people have changed in a good way. 

For any of you who feels down, or thinks that something is wrong then I hope my story has made you believe that you can get through this. I am living proof of surviving through this illness and it is such a great feeling to be fighting it and winning. 

I am certain that I have missed out certain parts of my story and some of it may have not made sense but if there are any questions about my experience or anything that you think will benefit you or someone you know then please ask. 

The purpose of me sharing my story is not to seek attention or anything like that. It is simply in the hope that I can help those who are scared of speaking out or even to let people see mental health in a different light. If this post has been beneficial to you in any way, please let me know and share this to your social media sites because I feel as though this is so so important. Help get the nation talking about mental illness and let's stop the discrimination against it.

You are not alone and there is hope to get through whatever you are going through. Have faith in yourself. 

You are important, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. 

Love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

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