Finding Myself | selfharmUK

Hey beautifuls!

...

Imagine being so confused with yourself to the point where you can't even recognise who you are anymore; well that was me roughly two years ago.

I was diagnosed with severe depression in January 2015 when I was fifteen years old, at this time I was referred to CAMHS where I had regular therapy sessions since until October 2016. I have been discharged from the services, however in the past two years I had an incredibly difficult time in living my life as the thoughts of worthlessness and uselessness overwhelmed the positivity that I once had. Fortunately I have regained my usual self through therapy as well as medication which I was put on in December 2015 as this was known to be a better route for me. I went through more than 3 suicide attempts and I am near to 11 months clean from self harm which is such a proud achievement for me.  

I can honestly say that, I would never wish any of the experiences I went through on anybody at all because feeling like you want to leave the world is such a horrible feeling and us teenagers should not be thinking such a thought when we have our whole life ahead of us. The same goes for anybody of any age group as everybody has a purpose, whether you can see it yourself or not. This is why mental health awareness is vital and too important to ignore. Since my diagnosis, I have learnt so much about mental health and this has added to my passion about mental health and getting people to start talking about this topic rather than viewing it as a weakness and a taboo thing to talk about. It is my mission to do my best in raising awareness to mental health as it certainly does not get the attention that it should do. I raise awareness through my blog, YouTube Channel, Instagram, Twitter and my Snapchat Vlogs.

Currently, I am at Sixth Form studying Art, Sociology and Philosophy & Ethics and I am absolutely loving Sixth Form life! As well as studying my A Levels, I am beginning an Art Therapy group for the younger students at my school, I have a YouTube Channel, a blog of course, I have started doing freelance makeup artistry as I have a passion for beauty as well and I also attend blogging events and meetings.

I have huge plans for my future which I did not think I would have as I honestly did not think I would get this far in life but I have, which is saying something – if I can then anybody can! I want to become an Art Therapist as well as continuing my blog and YouTube Channel. I want to make a difference and I want to inspire, those are my main goals.

Mental health is like physical illness, how long will it take for people to realise this?

...

This blog post of mine was written for a mental health organisation called selfharmUK; they are a group who share the help that can be given to those who suffer from mental health and self harm. Please do visit their website:

https://www.selfharm.co.uk/

https://www.selfharm.co.uk/blog/finding-myself

Remember to always have faith beautifuls, I love you lots.

Sanyha xo

Understand,Implement and Prevent | #TPSmentalhealth

Hey beautifuls!

On Friday 7th October, I had the pleasure of attending the Well Being and Mental Health Conference at The Priory School in Hitchin - the first ever UK schools' conference about mental health. I am honestly honoured to say that I was a part of that conference as it is the start of something amazing in my eyes. It is evident that mental health has been brought to attention to many people hence the many charities and funds out there to help those who are suffering in silence or with diagnosed disorders. However, I am 100% sure that there is not enough attention towards mental health at all due to the sigma attached - this is something I raised an understanding of, previously in the year on Time to Talk Day.

The day consisted of various workshop sessions throughout the day as well as a few talks and prize givings. As well as this, there were many organisations who had come to present beautiful stalls and to talk about what their charity or fund was based on. These organisations were the following:

• CAMHS
• Time to Change
• Youth Connexions
• KOOTH
• Be Who You Dare
• LGBTQ+ 
• Alumina

Plus many more which will be shown in my YouTube vlog of this event.

The workshop sessions that were taking place, included:

• Suicide Prevention
• Self-Harm
• Yoga
• 5 Things to WellBeing
• Well Being Forum
• LGBTQ+
• Time to Talk
• Drama/Art Therapy

Out of these, I was elected to take part in the Yoga, Drama/Art Therapy and Well Being Forum sessions which were all incredible and I had the chance to speak to many other students who were passionate about this topic. 

Yoga

Before this session, I had never actually taken part in a yoga session but I can tell you now that I really really enjoyed it. After experiencing the hardest times in my mental illness journey, I considered taking part in Yoga classes to help relief stress instead of resorting to harming myself. Although, I did not get round to starting this, I believe it is not too late so hopefully I can fit this into my weekly routine soon and I recommend you do also! In the small amount of time I had, I was still able to come out of the gym in such a relaxed mood than I first walked in with. 

People tend to think that Yoga is only for girls but in fact, the yoga teacher from the conference has more male students than female which surprised many people in the room. Not only does Yoga relax you, but it also teaches you resilience as some of the postures may be very difficult to hold.

I have definitely learnt a lot about Yoga which I didn't think I would before attending the session.

Give it a try - you might like it!

Drama/Art Therapy

I was extremely excited about taking part in this activity as some of you know that I am aspiring to become an Art Therapist in the future. During this time, we created our own creature using plasticine and then we made a story board about this creature of ours which included: the home, its purpose, a problem it faced, who helped the problem and the outcome of the help. Soon after we got into the activity, everybody started to recognise that their was a pattern in all of our stories as it turned out to reflect our own personal lives and experiences.

I found this session really interesting and I hope to implement this into plans for my school as it clearly does make a difference to people, whether these therapeutic sessions are through art, music, drama or even dance.

Well Being Forum

In this session, we did a lot of discussing about how we can improve the awareness of mental health in schools and what we can place in our own schools that can really helpful. Personally I think this workshop was a great one to end with as it gave my group so much motivation and inspiration to get started on our action plans which we cannot wait to start. 

As well as the different stalls and the various sessions, we had a few speakers being the Assistant Head of The Priory School in Hitchin, Jim McManus and Steve Mallon. All of the speakers were amazing but to me, Steve stood out the most as his talk was very hard hitting. I won't be going into detail, but his son killed himself a few weeks after his 18th birthday and 6 weeks after his got accepted at Cambridge University, this led Steve to start up a mental health charity - the way he speaks is so captivating and I am glad he was able to attend the conference. 

This event has really inspired me to take more action in raising awareness because we cannot just sit back and do nothing - that would be the worst thing we could do. So please, I ask you to share this if you can, not for me but for everybody else out there because you may be helping to the extend of saving a life by letting people know its okay to speak up. Tweet, snap, instagram or even just spread the word by talking about mental health because I believe that we can really make a difference as it is possible if we get people on board!

I hope to continue to do my part in helping as much as I can and don't forget that you can email, tweet, snapchat or even DM me on Instagram for any queries or suggestions. 

Remember to have faith beautifuls, I love you lots,

Sanyha xo

BLOGGERS FESTIVAL!

Hey beautifuls!

So it has been a while hasn't it? I just want to start by apologising for the lack of blog posts over the last couple of months as I have been focusing on the start of my YouTube - which thankfully, is going really well for a beginner. Also, now that I have started Sixth Form and my summer is over (unfortunately), my blog posts' timetable may not be consistent which I apologise for in advance. I do know that I have been slacking in terms of this for a while but as I have said from the beginning, this is all a hobby, for now at least. When I can, I will create content for you of course, as I love doing so.

Putting that aside, lets talk about the Bloggers Festival!

Outside of the Conrad St. James Hotel - venue of the Bloggers Festival event

Eve at the St.James park

So on Saturday 3rd September, my friend Eve and I went into London, St, James' Park for the Bloggers Festival that is run by Scarlett London. This is the first blogging event that Eve and I have attended; we absolutely loved it, we met so many love and beautiful people at the event who I have still kept in touch with. The event allowed a variety of different bloggers to come together and network as well as finding out about new brands to review etc.

Eve and I in front of the flower wall that every blogger was obsessed with! It was beautiful, so I don't blame them.

Goody bags, sweets and free drinks were provided at the event which was lovely next to the flower wall at the reception - where the photographer took photos of us, which reminds me that I need to try to get hold of those soon.

The venue was so posh and beautiful which I was very impressed and happy about as my YouTube filming had pretty views included. Although the hotel was very posh, the event was quite relaxed and informal which Eve and I both loved as it made us feel welcome and comfortable. One thing I loved about the event is that all the bloggers treated everybody with the same amount of respect despite the different levels and abilities we were in.

THE PRODUCTS

I received so many impressive products during the event which I was so excited about so I could try them all out. I haven't had a chance to try out all of the products yet but I am very happy about the ones I have used so far like the PNY re-chargeable power pack and the Beverly Hills Formula charcoal toothpaste - yes I know, charcoal! Hopefully I can review all of the products in detail soon but please be sure to check out their websites and social media as the products are gorgeous - I highly recommend the charcoal toothpaste by the way aha!

Beverly Hills Formula

Beverly Hills Formula toothpastes and toothbrush - cannot stress how much I am loving this

7th Heaven facial masks

7th Heaven is a brand that I have used a numerous amount of times in the past and I find their masks so amazing, effective and worthy as you can make a good couple of uses out of one packet. Unfortunately I have not been able to try all the different types from this range yet, but I cannot wait to try them out and tell you all what I think!

7th Heaven

7th Heaven hair mask 

I have never ever used a hair mask in my life so I am so eager to try this 7th Heaven one out, especially as I have heard how good argan oil is for your hair.

Argan Oil

I have been meaning to try out Argan Oil on my hair for so long now and now I can finally try it out and let you guys know what I think about it - I have heard so many amazing things about this!

PNY powerpack

The PNY powerpack has impressed many of the bloggers that I met at the event and I have been hearing lots about it so I am glad that I have got it as I am always using my phone for things.

PNY

Lip treatment for cold sores

I personally don't suffer from cold sores but I think its great that they have made and promoted these products as cold sores can be very common - I know a few people who get them and it can be very annoying.

Lipivir

Friction Free Shaving 

Friction Free Shaving provides a razor holder and four razor blades, one for each week of the month. I believe it is £7 a month for the most expensive and roughly £3 as the cheapest a month. I fell into a conversation where the lovely lady from the brand mentioned that they are coming out with a female shaving cream as we don't see many in stores, however there are plenty for men.

Friction Free Shaving

OOTD: plain white long sleeve t-shirt from Primark, light blue denim jeans from H&M, grey full length chiffon cloak from Selection at a London market plus black heels from new look

I definitely want to go back next summer and I hope to meet many more gorgeous bloggers! By the time you are reading this, there should be a YouTube vlog up of the event on my channel so please do check it out, share, like and comment, also subscribe if you haven't already for more videos.

My YouTube Channel

I hope you've enjoyed and maybe you would like to try out some of these products?

I love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

Hyde Park Photoshoot

Hey beautifuls!

A couple of weeks ago, I went into London with my friend Trinity (some of you may have heard of her from my snapchat vlogs - sanyhaax). It was a beautiful day which consisted of makeup shopping of course and also a small photoshoot session at Hyde Park.

It being my first time at Hyde Park, I was extremely pumped to see the views and take in the surrounding. The photoshoot was not planned at all but I thought it was a great place to take some interesting shoots once I had arrived. If you follow me on Instagram (@sanz.shares) you will have noticed a few of these shots that were taken as I had posted them.

Hyde Park was not too busy at all when Trinity and I were there which meant that the emptiness of the park made the photos present a specific vibe that I was looking for - the idea of thinking and looking into the future as well as being in an individual zone of my own.

I don't take part in photoshoots often and I am certainly not amazing at it but I love the idea that photography can portray thoughts and feelings as well as a message. I hope to take part in more shoots in the future whether this is with my friends or a professional. Me being a very emotional and heart felt person as you all know from my vlogs and my art work too, I would love to plan shoots where others can take something from it or even find memorising by interpreting it themselves.

This post is purely just to share with you guys the photos that Trinity took of me - inspiration can be taken from this but I would also appreciate some feedback or suggestions for future shoots.

Also beautifuls, don't forget to check out my first YouTube video - the link is on my Instagram bio.

I hope you enjoy the pictures. (These photos were taken for fun, not for any sort of professional photoshoot)

I love you all, 

Sanyha xo

I am starting YouTube!

Hey beautifuls!

I HAVE FINALLY GOT A YOUTUBE CHANNEL! (Well, two YouTube channels)

I am so excited to announce that I will be starting YouTube this summer and videos will be uploaded from July onwards, InShaaAllah. I thought I would create a post to let you all know a little bit about my YouTube channels beforehand so you know what to expect.

I have two channels up: sanz.shares (main channel) and sanz.sharesvlogs (vlog channel). Hopefully I will be able to upload a video on each channel a week, however I do apologise in advance if there are any delays on video uploads, as I am not quite sure how the beginning of my channel will proceed. A main channel video will be up every Wednesday and a weekly vlog will be posted on a Sunday on my vlogging channel. (These are also the days I will be uploading blog posts)

Main Channel

My main channel will be beauty and lifestyle based, however I feel as though I will also cover various areas such as mental health and YouTube tags.

Here are a list of a few types of videos that will be uploaded on the sanz.shares channel:

• makeup tutorials
• hijab tutorials
• product reviews
• tags/challenges
• topic based discussions

Vlogging Channel

I have been eager to start up a vlogging channel for a while now and I thought it would be very convenient as it is the next step from my snapchat vlogging which I started at the beginning of 2016. I have decided to upload a weekly vlog instead of going through with daily vlogging as I believe it is a good starting point for me - being a YouTube beginner.
I hope to share with you beautifuls what I get up to during my summer holidays and through into my sixth form life.

Why YouTube?

The main purpose of both of my YouTube channels is to help my beautiful people out there. Honestly, if I am able to have a positive effect on a single person through my videos, that is more than enough for me. I hope to inspire, help, motivate and bring a joyful vibe to anybody who watches my future videos on YouTube.
I have always been afraid to follow my dreams and go ahead with what I want to do rather than what other people have told me to do. Self belief was not even in the picture. But I can do it. I know I can do it. I am doing this for me but not just for me, for all of you also.
Growing up I was always a shy and quiet girl who was too afraid to put her ideas across just in case she was to be judged for it. I feel as though YouTube will allow me to be myself and find that confidence to share my ideas and thoughts just like my blog has - it can be my comfort zone, and if that means inspiring people out there then what a bonus right?

I want to thank my beautifuls because I would not be at this stage if it was not for you all. You guys inspired me to go ahead with these YouTube channels as well as my YouTuber idols. I hope that you guys can continue to support me through the sanz.shares journey - once again, I am extremely grateful.

Be sure to contact me for any video suggestions.

First YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78oZS5Hvhz8



Remember to have faith beautifuls, in everything you do no matter how small it is. I love you all.



Sanyha xo

file:///home/chronos/u-9538e5cf2d9d7737d172219a1f256daed850b1da/Downloads/google65b9714b1e1eeb6f.html

The Next Step

Hey beautifuls!

Oh wow, it has been a long while hasn't it? I honestly cannot explain how much I have missed blogging and creating content for you all, but now I am back after a very long break! Firstly, I would like to apologise for the lack of activity I have been making regards to my blog. GCSEs were one of my top priorities and I was under a lot of stress as a lot of other Year11s may have been, I can imagine. But now I'm back with an extremely long summer break and many things to look forward to! I just wanted to update you all on the future plans and things that I have been planning and thinking through the past few months.

Firstly, I would love to hear about what you would like to see in terms of future blog posts, YouTube videos (yes I am starting up YouTube soon!) and what you would like to see in vlogs also. So please contact me via the contact form on this blog or alternatively you can contact any one of my social media sites which are linked on this blog too. This will be beneficial to all of you as well as me in order for me to know what you would read/watch. 

If you don't already know, I have created two YouTube channels: sanz.shares and sanz.sharesvlogs. I know it is pretty early but I just wanted to get the channels up and known about before I start uploading videos from August onwards. A whole new post dedicated to my YouTube will be up soon hopefully so watch out for that one. 

In terms of my own self, I feel as though I have been trying to balance a lot lately so I do apologise in advance for any delays. I have progressed and learnt a lot about many things during my break and I am so excited to share it with you all.

The next step is all about getting onto the next level of the sanz.shares journey and I hope that you all will be intrigued by what is to come. I feel as though I have been moving on rather quickly this year in terms of my blog and the progression of confidence in my vlogs. Bearing in mind that this all began at the beginning of the year and we are half way through the year now which is crazy! I just want to say a huge thank you to my blog/vlog viewers as you really have become part of my life which I am grateful for, no matter how many of you there are.

I know this may not have been the most interesting post (and also may not have been written to the best of my ability) but I believe it's important to have updated you all. I hope my beautifuls have been well while I was hibernating and I hope you are as excited as I am for what's to come next. 

Remember to always have faith in everything you do beautifuls, no matter how small it may be. Love you all. 

Sanyha xo

sanz.shares: The Waiting Room

Babies crying, machines beeping and my mind racing. This is my fifth time sitting in the hospital waiting room for the same reason and I'm feeling sick of it now. Despite the fact that I'm to blame right now for this situation, the anger towards everybody else keeps rising to the extent where its uncontrollable.

The waiting room. 

It's amazing how much you learn and witness just by sitting in the hospital waiting room for a few hours, nine hours maximum in my experience. The amount of attention and care for everybody around makes you feel at home; the chaotic noise still irritates you within. 

The exhausted eyes of everyone surrounding me, innocent beautiful infants at discomfort surrounding me and alert nurses surrounding me. I feel safe. Calmly sitting down on solid seats with Jessie J singing "it's okay not to be okay" in my ears constantly, I wait patiently for another doctor to come and approach me. In all honesty, I couldn't be any more happier and relieved that I'm still breathing right now. Not meaning that I feel on top of the world as my issues haven't disappeared nor have the constant anxiety that I'm feeling, but it's okay. 

With numbing cream sitting on my skin smoothly, I've been told to wait fourty five minutes in order to be seen by the doctor as well as the mental health team. Physically, I almost feel perfectly fine yet mentally, it differs slightly. I'm in the position where I'm clueless to what my mind is saying to me, everything is so unclear but I'm sat with the hope that everything can become clear to me shortly. 

I am going to get through this. I don't know about you but I know for a fact that I can do this. 

I'm absorbing the atmosphere around me and all of a sudden I feel amazed, utterly amazed. The aura that's given off by this place touched me, warming my heart along with my loved ones coming to mind. I have so much potential, how could I not believe it. Why do I not give myself the appreciation that I deserve? Why am I my worst enemy? 

It doesn't have to be like this, I keep thinking. Don't blame yourself for this Sanyha, I keep thinking. 

Beautifuls, it doesn't have to be like this. I don't have to be here again. I could be reaching my goals and aspirations instead. I never know, I could become a successful YouTuber; I could meet and work with Habiba Da Silva; I could help young victims of mental health through art; I could bring up a beautiful family of my own; I could inspire many people out there with what I have to give, I could do anything. 

I'm showing you that I'm living proof of having to go through such hardship but bravely and strongly getting through this no matter how hard it is. It's not going to be perfect and it's not going to be easy. That's life for you, as cliché as it sounds. I promise you my beautifuls, you are so important to many people even if you cannot believe it right this moment and I believe in every single one of you. I can't stress it enough. 

My intentions are nothing but positive for you all because believe it or not, you all mean a huge amount to me. 

I am forever grateful for your support. 

Remember: you are important, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. 

I love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

(30/03/16 12PM)

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

sanz.shares: Clueless

Clueless. 

Have you ever felt nothing but also everything at the same time? Yes?

Well that's me pretty much everyday of my life whether you see it or not but that's okay. It's scary you know, feeling as if you have no control over yourself when in reality you alone are the only person who can both physically and mentally control yourself. But that all just seems like a blur and it's messy, a lot like how my mind is like, pretty much everyday of my life. 

Do you ever feel empty? Yes? Because I sure do, pretty often too but that's okay you know. But remember, not everyone will understand that; you need to be careful because nowadays you can't rely on and trust everyone you meet. It just doesn't work like that. Talk to people, but only people you really trust because in reality how many of your friends can you actually call friends? Things are changing and people are changing, fast. Deep down, I know there's something in you that's not empty at all, everyone has something special within them, just remember that. 

Lonely or alone? They are two different things and people say it is rare to feel both at the same time. Have you felt both? Yes? Well so have I, pretty much everyday of my life but that's okay. Lately, it's become so known to rely on people, interact with people and thoughts of needing to please everybody have increased. The amount of judgements and assumptions have been increasing. Can this be partly the reason? You don't seem to find that being civil with one another is a natural thing to do when two people don't really see each other eye to eye. It makes you think doesn't it? I know I would probably re-think my whole self in this situation and this is what leads people into the trap of feeling alone or lonely because people simply cannot just be nice with each other and to each other. The pressure of friendship groups, the pressure of getting into relationships and the pressure of needing to be good enough is more than enough for somebody to feel alone or lonely. These days, in young people especially, it is seriously getting so fixed into people's heads that they need to be like everyone else, doing what everyone else is doing; if they don't, then you're quick to be classified as the 'odd one out.' This isn't right at all. 

Do you ever feel clueless? Yes? Well I do too, pretty much everyday of my life but that's okay. I'm clueless. 

Clueless. 

Clueless or not? Keep going. Honestly, keep going. Whether you are alone, confused, empty or 'feelingless', keep going. You are the only one that matters, other people can wait. Whatever you do, do it for you and don't you dare let anybody stop you. You have passion? Do something with it and forget everyone else. You have something to express? Express it and forget everyone else. 

Because that's exactly what I'm doing and I hope that's something to look up to. Despite everything that's gone on in my life and what's going on in my life at the moment, I'm still going so you can too, okay?

I love you all my beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

sanz.shares: "Freedom of Speech"

Hey beautifuls!

"Freedom of speech."

One of the most ridiculous responses I have ever been given and in my opinion, it is a stupid reply in most cases.

So let me give you guys a small background to what made me blog about this before sharing with you all my thoughts on this topic as well as other things that go with it. 

I have emphasised many times how passionate I am when it comes to mental health and I am quick to share my strong views about it when the topic is brought up. There is no need for me to target anybody in this, I am simply just sharing my opinions and views on this. There is bound to be many people out there who may disagree and I understand that.

"Why are all these 15 year olds depressed LOOL."

Beautifuls, just take a moment to think about that statement. I don't know about you but I find it completely disgusting; it may be because my knowledge about mental health has grown and I'm experiencing it but even if I wasn't, it still wouldn't seem right. Don't get me wrong, I do understand that some people may not have come across mental health and therefore do not have the intention to mean any harm by some things they say, but if you go about it in an immature way, then I'm sorry but that is wrong.

I made a comment on what this person had said, it being something a long the lines of:
"You can be depressed any time in your life, age has nothing to do with it. It gives you no right to be commenting on in like that, it isn't LOOL at all."
My automatic response to the comment was very angry, but I don't think it is appropriate to share.

The reply I received:
"Freedom of speech"

My main focus on this post was not to use this situation but to talk about the rights we actually have as humans in terms of expressing ourselves and thoughts. But I thought that it was completely relevant to point this out as it ties in well with the mental health stigma I have mentioned previously on my blog. I will also be uploading a future post about the glamorization of mental health.

It is so easy for anybody to justify themselves with the phrase "freedom of speech", but does that really count as a pure explanation?

It angers me so much and I'm certain that some of you reading would agree that it isn't right.
Fair enough that somebody makes a comment or a point about something without having the intention to harm anybody by it; it's what you respond to criticism and polite corrections that makes what you've said, completely wrong.

As cliché as it sounds beautifuls, please think before you speak/do because you honestly don't know what effect it can have on the other person. You don't know about their struggles, just as much as they don't know about yours. Imagine it was the other way round, you wouldn't like to feel targeted.

To me, "freedom of speech" will never be a completely acceptable response; there is a limit to what you can say, in any situation.

I hope this post has been beneficial to any of you and made you see things differently.

I love you all beautifuls,
Sanyha xo

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Future Dreams and Aspirations

Hey beautifuls!

I thought it would be nice to share with you all my dreams and aspirations for the future; it was also requested by one of you beautifuls. It might even give a few of you guys some ideas for your own futures or you could even suggest some things for me to try out and think about. 

Education:

I have chosen to take Psychology, Sociology and Art for A-Levels at Sixth Form. I'm aware that some of my audience aren't from the UK, so this means that I'll be starting senior year - for my beautiful Americans. 

After this, they're are two different routes that I am thinking of taking:

1. To go to University (college for my American beautifuls) and study Education then to do a             Masters Degree in Art Psychotherapy. 

2. To go to University and study Art Therapy 

Careers:

I've always always wanted to become a primary school teacher ever since I was in primary school myself which sounds a bit odd. I have always been the type of person to want to help younger people especially and I thought education was the best way. 

My dream job ever would be to become an art therapist because I absolutely love art and I absolutely love helping people. So this would be the perfect job, combining these two things. Having experienced therapy myself - and still going, I know the significance and difference it makes; I would love to make somebody else feel helped especially through art.

Relationships/my own family:

I'm not quite sure what I'm hoping for in terms of this but Insha'Allah the best can come my way. But I definitely hope to bring up a family of my own one day, Insha'Allah; that's all I'm going to say.

Other dreams:

• I would love to write and publish a book: fictional or even a self help book
• I've imagined about bringing out my own clothing line in the future as well as my own makeup brand 
• I hope to start YouTube and Insha'Allah to become successful and well known in terms of that
• It would be a dream come true if I ever got to work with Habiba Da Silva, or even meet her in fact
• I hope to inspire as many of my beautifuls out there and change as many lives I can, even in the very slightest 
• Most importantly, I hope to keep my friends and family proud, safe and happy

I love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

sanz.shares: My Hijab Story

Hey beautifuls!

As requested, I am going to be sharing my Hijab Story with you all. I'm sorry if this post is fairly long but I hope you will stay interested in what I have to say. 

My Hijab Story may not be like others' that you may have read or watched but I guess that's a good thing isn't it?

So here is my story:

I came to the decision to start wearing the hijab a couple of months into year 7 which was in 2011-2012. 

2011-2012

2012

Starting with my reasons to why I made this decision: I know I was pretty young, at the age of 11 I felt like it was the right time to start wearing the hijab even though I didn't understand the concept fully. It just felt right at the time and even though this isn't a easy decision to make for us young girls especially, it just clicked with me. 

In 2005, I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to go to Saudi Arabia and complete Hajj and Ummrah. Alhamdulillah my parents were able to take me, considering that they had made this intention to take me once I was born. I am incredibly lucky and grateful. 

This experience had a huge influence to my decision in becoming a hijabi. I wanted to obey Allah(swt) as this is what He wants of us Muslim women, to guard our modesty; as well as this, I grew up around people who had always covered themselves, which taught me to see that this was the right way forward. It just made sense. 

Although I started wearing a headscarf, I only wore this to school and it wasn't until a year or two later when I began to cover my hair wherever I went. A had a gap in my knowledge to what it meant to take on the hijab as it isn't just about covering your hair but it is also intertwined with other elements. I was very passionate about wearing my headscarf despite having a lack of knowledge in the further reasoning behind it.

2015

It came to mid year 10 when I started to feel a bit unsure about my identity and my levels of insecurity were rising. Typical teenage life happened, the caring about what others think habit grew, trying to fit in with everyone and the thoughts of making sure I didn't seem too different from anyone were overwhelming me. 

As some of you know, this is roughly around the time where I got diagnosed with depression. (If you haven't read my blog post about my mental illness story then please check it out)

Long story short: I starting losing faith in Islam when my depression became unbearably bad for me. With this came the urge to quit wearing a headscarf, I stopped praying and simply just stopped caring about anything religion-related. I started showing my hair more on social media, I started to wear tighter clothes with the pressure of the latest trends and I just did not care. I know this might be a shock to some people but I am proud to say that I've found my faith again and Alhamdulillah I am doing well so far. 

During this time period, I continued to wear hijab even though I wasn't comfortable with it. I was too scared about the judgements I would have received if I took it off and I didn't want this to be an additional problem to the rest of the issues I was facing at the time so I just fought through it.

2016

I am aware that hijabi's receive a lot of discrimination about wearing a headscarf or even for the clothes they wear. The sad thing about this is that most of these comments and judgements come from other Muslimahs themselves which is completely wrong. 

No need to negatively comment on the way others dress but instead, kindly give them your opinion and guide them to the right path. 

I wear hijab for myself and Allah(swt) only, not for anybody else. Remember that beautifuls. 

Anymore questions to do with my hijab story then please comment or contact me! Don't forget to share!

Love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

Revision Tips

Hey beautifuls!

It has been roughly two weeks since I've posted which actually seems like forever and I've missed it. If you haven't checked out my note page about the blog arrangements for the next few months then please click 'new blog arrangements' on the home page to find out more!

So this has been requested A LOT from you guys within the last month or so and I think this a very convenient time to share with you my thoughts and ideas on revision tips!

Just a quick disclaimer: this is my own strategy that I use and it may not work for everybody and you might not agree so find out what can work for you. 

Top Ten Tips

• Be and feel organised - if you don't know what you're doing and where everything is, it will be stressful 

• Treat yourself/take breaks - everybody says this but honestly, follow it. Decide something to look forward to on your revision break so you can stay motivated, but you have to be disciplined with yourself. 

• Food/drink/fresh air - this is so typical for everyone to say this but trust me guys, I've seen the difference that this makes and it's a huge one. Eating well, drinking lots of water especially and even going for a small walk will clear your mind and give you energy which then allows you to feel relaxed whilst revising.

• Phones - whether you deny it or not, phones are a big distraction especially for our generation. I'm guilty of it too, a lot in fact. I know it's hard but it's works, put your phone away! Just remember that you can go back to it on your breaks. 

• Be comfortable - make sure to have enough space around you for your books and revision and that you're happy with your workspace otherwise you won't be in the revision mode

• Timetables - if you haven't already, I strongly suggest that you start making a revision timetable. If you're struggling then feel free to contact me and I may be able to give you advice on how to make one

• Resources - this might help some people but I don't think it's the most productive way of revising, don't just stare at revision guides! I suggest printing off past papers, subject checklists, specification for your subjects as well as revision guides. 

• Revise in groups sometimes - Isolation can be a big problem with revision because some people may start to stress and overthink when they're alone revising when they'd much rather do something else like I do sometimes. Try to mix your revision a bit with group work and sharing ideas 

• Prioritising - I strongly recommend to follow this tip because you have to be a little bit firm with
yourself for the next few months, it just has to be done. Do not avoid your social life by any means but be reasonable because it's such an important time. The revision period will only last a few months and then think about everything to look forward to once exams are over! That should be your motivation to keep going. 

• Learn your revision style - it important to know which method of revising is more effective for you because different people revise differently, so once you know what works for you, you should be comfortable 

Revision strategies for my subjects:

PAST PAPERS ARE KEY TO EVERY SUBJECT YOU TAKE. 

Maths:  I make revision cue cards on each topics, starting from the content I find hardest. I use my maths textbook and previous notes to help me with this. I then like to use mathswatch which I find so so so useful as it talks you through each topic and the grade level of your choice and then it gives you questions to try yourself. 

English Language: I do past questions to improve on my writing style and understand fully what I am asked to do. Looking at exemplars help also. 

English Literature(poetry): I am re-annotating each poem, making sure I understand the poem fully. I strongly recommend MrBruff on YouTube, who talks through each poem. 

English Literature: I am going to be re-reading both of the texts that I've been studying and I am making notes on the characters, themes/ideas and also completing past questions 

Additional Science: I am making cue cards on Biology, Chemistry and Physics by starting with my weakest topics. I am making mind maps for Biology, Chemistry and Physics with concise and key notes. I also use myGCSEscience which is a lifesaver and I strongly recommend watching his videos. 

Child Development: I am making cue cards for each topic, starting with my weakest, then testing myself and doing past papers. 

Spanish Listening&Reading: I will be doing past papers and using VocabExpress. 

Remember that this is what works for me but if you would like to take some ideas from this then you're more than welcome. 

I hope everyone's revision is going well and I wish you all good luck!

For any more advice then please contact me. 

Only a few months of this and then we will be free beautifuls, love you all. 

Sanyha xo

Lifestyle: Bengali vs British

Hey beautifuls!

This week's post will be a little different but it has been requested by a few people. I also thought that this topic would be interesting for me to write as well as to share with you all. If there are anymore topics you would like me to publish in the future then please contact me and share your suggestions!

So I am going to discuss my views on living as a Bengali girl here in England and the differences I have seen between the two cultures I take part in and am surrounded by. Some of you may be wondering what differences could possibly occur but you will honestly be surprised with what we may have to face. I am sure that this is the same with anyone of other ethnicities living in the UK as well.

I am going to start off by answering some questions from the ethnicity tag to let you guys understand a little more about my background:

What is your ethnicity?
I am Bengali as both of my parents were born and bred in Bangladesh.

When was the last time you visited your country?
The last time I visited Bangladesh was when I was in Year 7 which was in 2012. I went with my whole family to see my grandad (my mum's dad).

Name one ethnic food you enjoy the most.
My favourite ethnic food has to be this thing called tenga boroi. Boroi in English is dried jujube fruit. I love the way my mum makes this as it tastes so good and is so flavoursome. She boils the boroi to make it soft and then mixes it in with date molasses, burned garlic and some coriander.

Name one household item that best represents your culture.
There are quite a few items that could represent the Bengali culture but I think my Bengali audience out there will agree with me that the best item to represent is the paan tray also known as the paan daan. I guarantee you all that this will found in every Bengali household. It is basically a tray with a few pots containing betel leaf, areca nut and other ingredients.

What part of your country are you from?
My parents are both from Sylhet. My dad's side is from Dottogram and my mum's side is from Umor Pur.

What song reminds you of your country? (language of your ethnicity)
This is a quite funny question as I do not listen to Bengali music at all but the only song I know and remember is: Habib - Balo Bashbo...

Can you speak the language of your ethnicity?
Yes I can speak Bengali and I do speak it on a daily basis to my parents as my siblings and I have been brought up to speak the language. I'm not completely fluent but I do know a fair bit.

So that's it with the ethnicity tag questions and now I am going to discuss some topics relating to how different it can be living with both the Bengali and British culture. I will also be vaguely mentioning religion into this so if any of you would like me to do any posts or tags relating to religion and Islam specifically then please do let me know!

Quite a big topic that is spoken about is marriage which is really interesting because some people don't seem to understand the idea of arranged marriages. People jump to conclusions thinking that arranged marriages are the same as forced marriages but in reality they are two complete different things. In the British culture, most people are expected to find their own partner and there is also a common tendency that young British people are brought up to be more independent once they reach adulthood as they move out at a younger age. This can make people feel pressurised in finding someone who they can marry, however in the Asian community, some pressure is lifted from their shoulders. This is because they can fall back on their parents and rely them to find someone who can be suitable for them. Especially in today's society where everybody is getting into relationships, it can be hard for young people to find 'the one'. There is a possibility that many young people out there can feel left out for not being in a relationship but this should not be the case. As a young Bengali girl, only 15, I have seen and learnt the differences of marriage in both cultures and in my opinion there is no wrongs in either culture. I am just trying to share with all of my non Bengali audience, what it can be like and to explain to you a different perspective of how people can view relationships and marriage. The idea of arranged marriage is an arrangement agreed with the family/guardians of the couple concerned. Many meetings and talks are made between the two people to ensure that it is the right decision and that both of the individuals are happy with the choices made. In Islam, it is forbidden to have an premarital relationship (girlfriend/boyfriend) which can also add to the pressure of young Muslims and it is very common, however this is where the tradition of arranged marriages fit in. Despite the pressure of today's society to find a girlfriend/boyfriend, people of the Asian culture are quite lucky as they don't feel as pressured to find somebody on their own. Arranged marriages do occur in the Western culture but it is not as common.

Of course I have to mention fashion as it is one of the main focuses on my blog! In the Asian culture, there are specific fashion trends and the most common dress that you guys may have heard of is a saree, but there is also selwar kameez. This comes from Indian fashion and as well as this, jewelry is quite a big thing in Bangladesh. Being a Bengali girl in England, I do find that I have to balance out my decisions on what to wear. I am expected to wear Asian dress for weddings and when visiting relatives'. As I am very passionate about fashion and I like to make effort in looking presentable for myself; keeping up with the latest Western trends, I do find that my love for Western fashion overrides the traditional Bengali wear. It is quite difficult because in Islam, modest clothing is expected as oppose to tight fashion, exposure of body shape and skin which is what most of the Western trends are. Nobody is perfect therefore they can't do everything that is expected of them, which is why it can be so difficult for young people especially in today's society.

I am aware that this post is becoming very very long so I am going to stop here. If you are interested in anything else to do with culture, relating to food for example, then let me know and I'll be happy to add that in for you guys! As always, if you have any questions or suggestions then feel free to contact me!

Love you all,
Sanyha xo

Review: Nude Lip Products

Hey beautifuls!

Just a little note before I get into this week's blog post: I'm aware that a blog post did not go up last Sunday and I am sorry for that. I have been quite busy and stressed with school and a lot more; I also didn't have a post prepared to upload but I hope last Thursday's post made up for that. By the way, thank you all for the support from that post, it is much appreciated. 

Okay, so today's post is a beauty related one which may not be for everybody but I'm hoping to make it suitable for those you love makeup. In this post I am going to review my nude lip product collection.

If any of you have any recommendations then please do let me know because of love to try them out!

My Nude Lip Product Collection

(A quick disclaimer: Some of the swatches have come out different to how they actually appear on the lips and on different skin tones. So, please do not take all of the swatches literally as it may give a false impression of what you are looking for, but please do consider the products, If you have any questions or queries about the following products that I mention, then feel free to contact me!)

Reviews:

MAC Matte Lipsticks: £15.50
I absolutely LOVE the MAC matte lipsticks and I don't think I have anything bad to say about them to be honest. The formula of the product is creamy which is a huge benefit to the feel of the lipstick on your lips and it is also fairly long-lasting. I definitely prefer the matte lipsticks to the other forms of lipsticks but that may be just a personal preference.

Kiko Velvet Matte Lipsticks: £6.90
I got really excited when these came through the post last week, however I was pretty disappointed when they arrived. Don't get me wrong, I do love the shades and the packaging but for me, I think that the colour pay off is not worth it. I find that you would have to constantly have to apply it throughout the day as it is not very long-lasting and it can come off easily.

Sephora Lipsticks: £12.00
I have four different Sephora Matte Lipsticks and I find them all quite drying after a while but it definitely is very long-lasting. After a while it can start to crumble off if your lips are not moisturised enough but overall it is a satisfying product.

Dose of Colour Liquid Lipsticks
Oh my, these are AMAZING. The only thing I don't like about this product is that it is quite hard to apply with the applicator so I do recommend that you apply it with a lip brush. It is a thick and long-lasting liquid which only needs one coat and is not sticky at all.

Essence Velvet Matte Lipgloss: £2.30
This product has such a nice applicator which allows you to apply the lipgloss very well. It's not amazing compared to the other products but for the price, it is lovely. I recommend you to use this on top of either a lipliner or a lipstick because it gives a better colour pay off and it is so nice as a combination.

LA Girl Matte Liquid Lipsticks: £6.50
Okay, these might have to be my favourite liquid lipsticks that I own because there isn't a single thing that I can say which is bad about them. The colour range and pay off is amazing, its extremely long-lasting and it dried matte so nicely. However they are extremely hard to remove, so I usually remove them with oil.

NYX Soft Matte Lip Creams: £7.00
I love the NYX lip creams because the texture is so soft and it sits on your lips beautifully. The colour range of these products are very wide and they do last quite long. I recommend using these lip creams with a combination of a lip liner to make it stand out more.

The prices may vary depending on where you purchase the products and shipping costs. Again, if you guys have any recommendations or questions then please let me know!

I hope that this post has been beneficial to some of you and please do send me some blog suggestions that you would like to see in the weeks to come. That could include any particular topics, beauty, fashion or art.

I hope your half term in going well and I hope that you will be back next Sunday to see what I have decided to share.

Love you all,
Sanyha xo