sanz.shares: The Waiting Room

Babies crying, machines beeping and my mind racing. This is my fifth time sitting in the hospital waiting room for the same reason and I'm feeling sick of it now. Despite the fact that I'm to blame right now for this situation, the anger towards everybody else keeps rising to the extent where its uncontrollable.

The waiting room. 

It's amazing how much you learn and witness just by sitting in the hospital waiting room for a few hours, nine hours maximum in my experience. The amount of attention and care for everybody around makes you feel at home; the chaotic noise still irritates you within. 

The exhausted eyes of everyone surrounding me, innocent beautiful infants at discomfort surrounding me and alert nurses surrounding me. I feel safe. Calmly sitting down on solid seats with Jessie J singing "it's okay not to be okay" in my ears constantly, I wait patiently for another doctor to come and approach me. In all honesty, I couldn't be any more happier and relieved that I'm still breathing right now. Not meaning that I feel on top of the world as my issues haven't disappeared nor have the constant anxiety that I'm feeling, but it's okay. 

With numbing cream sitting on my skin smoothly, I've been told to wait fourty five minutes in order to be seen by the doctor as well as the mental health team. Physically, I almost feel perfectly fine yet mentally, it differs slightly. I'm in the position where I'm clueless to what my mind is saying to me, everything is so unclear but I'm sat with the hope that everything can become clear to me shortly. 

I am going to get through this. I don't know about you but I know for a fact that I can do this. 

I'm absorbing the atmosphere around me and all of a sudden I feel amazed, utterly amazed. The aura that's given off by this place touched me, warming my heart along with my loved ones coming to mind. I have so much potential, how could I not believe it. Why do I not give myself the appreciation that I deserve? Why am I my worst enemy? 

It doesn't have to be like this, I keep thinking. Don't blame yourself for this Sanyha, I keep thinking. 

Beautifuls, it doesn't have to be like this. I don't have to be here again. I could be reaching my goals and aspirations instead. I never know, I could become a successful YouTuber; I could meet and work with Habiba Da Silva; I could help young victims of mental health through art; I could bring up a beautiful family of my own; I could inspire many people out there with what I have to give, I could do anything. 

I'm showing you that I'm living proof of having to go through such hardship but bravely and strongly getting through this no matter how hard it is. It's not going to be perfect and it's not going to be easy. That's life for you, as cliché as it sounds. I promise you my beautifuls, you are so important to many people even if you cannot believe it right this moment and I believe in every single one of you. I can't stress it enough. 

My intentions are nothing but positive for you all because believe it or not, you all mean a huge amount to me. 

I am forever grateful for your support. 

Remember: you are important, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. 

I love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

(30/03/16 12PM)

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sanz.shares: Clueless

Clueless. 

Have you ever felt nothing but also everything at the same time? Yes?

Well that's me pretty much everyday of my life whether you see it or not but that's okay. It's scary you know, feeling as if you have no control over yourself when in reality you alone are the only person who can both physically and mentally control yourself. But that all just seems like a blur and it's messy, a lot like how my mind is like, pretty much everyday of my life. 

Do you ever feel empty? Yes? Because I sure do, pretty often too but that's okay you know. But remember, not everyone will understand that; you need to be careful because nowadays you can't rely on and trust everyone you meet. It just doesn't work like that. Talk to people, but only people you really trust because in reality how many of your friends can you actually call friends? Things are changing and people are changing, fast. Deep down, I know there's something in you that's not empty at all, everyone has something special within them, just remember that. 

Lonely or alone? They are two different things and people say it is rare to feel both at the same time. Have you felt both? Yes? Well so have I, pretty much everyday of my life but that's okay. Lately, it's become so known to rely on people, interact with people and thoughts of needing to please everybody have increased. The amount of judgements and assumptions have been increasing. Can this be partly the reason? You don't seem to find that being civil with one another is a natural thing to do when two people don't really see each other eye to eye. It makes you think doesn't it? I know I would probably re-think my whole self in this situation and this is what leads people into the trap of feeling alone or lonely because people simply cannot just be nice with each other and to each other. The pressure of friendship groups, the pressure of getting into relationships and the pressure of needing to be good enough is more than enough for somebody to feel alone or lonely. These days, in young people especially, it is seriously getting so fixed into people's heads that they need to be like everyone else, doing what everyone else is doing; if they don't, then you're quick to be classified as the 'odd one out.' This isn't right at all. 

Do you ever feel clueless? Yes? Well I do too, pretty much everyday of my life but that's okay. I'm clueless. 

Clueless. 

Clueless or not? Keep going. Honestly, keep going. Whether you are alone, confused, empty or 'feelingless', keep going. You are the only one that matters, other people can wait. Whatever you do, do it for you and don't you dare let anybody stop you. You have passion? Do something with it and forget everyone else. You have something to express? Express it and forget everyone else. 

Because that's exactly what I'm doing and I hope that's something to look up to. Despite everything that's gone on in my life and what's going on in my life at the moment, I'm still going so you can too, okay?

I love you all my beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

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sanz.shares: "Freedom of Speech"

Hey beautifuls!

"Freedom of speech."

One of the most ridiculous responses I have ever been given and in my opinion, it is a stupid reply in most cases.

So let me give you guys a small background to what made me blog about this before sharing with you all my thoughts on this topic as well as other things that go with it. 

I have emphasised many times how passionate I am when it comes to mental health and I am quick to share my strong views about it when the topic is brought up. There is no need for me to target anybody in this, I am simply just sharing my opinions and views on this. There is bound to be many people out there who may disagree and I understand that.

"Why are all these 15 year olds depressed LOOL."

Beautifuls, just take a moment to think about that statement. I don't know about you but I find it completely disgusting; it may be because my knowledge about mental health has grown and I'm experiencing it but even if I wasn't, it still wouldn't seem right. Don't get me wrong, I do understand that some people may not have come across mental health and therefore do not have the intention to mean any harm by some things they say, but if you go about it in an immature way, then I'm sorry but that is wrong.

I made a comment on what this person had said, it being something a long the lines of:
"You can be depressed any time in your life, age has nothing to do with it. It gives you no right to be commenting on in like that, it isn't LOOL at all."
My automatic response to the comment was very angry, but I don't think it is appropriate to share.

The reply I received:
"Freedom of speech"

My main focus on this post was not to use this situation but to talk about the rights we actually have as humans in terms of expressing ourselves and thoughts. But I thought that it was completely relevant to point this out as it ties in well with the mental health stigma I have mentioned previously on my blog. I will also be uploading a future post about the glamorization of mental health.

It is so easy for anybody to justify themselves with the phrase "freedom of speech", but does that really count as a pure explanation?

It angers me so much and I'm certain that some of you reading would agree that it isn't right.
Fair enough that somebody makes a comment or a point about something without having the intention to harm anybody by it; it's what you respond to criticism and polite corrections that makes what you've said, completely wrong.

As cliché as it sounds beautifuls, please think before you speak/do because you honestly don't know what effect it can have on the other person. You don't know about their struggles, just as much as they don't know about yours. Imagine it was the other way round, you wouldn't like to feel targeted.

To me, "freedom of speech" will never be a completely acceptable response; there is a limit to what you can say, in any situation.

I hope this post has been beneficial to any of you and made you see things differently.

I love you all beautifuls,
Sanyha xo

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Future Dreams and Aspirations

Hey beautifuls!

I thought it would be nice to share with you all my dreams and aspirations for the future; it was also requested by one of you beautifuls. It might even give a few of you guys some ideas for your own futures or you could even suggest some things for me to try out and think about. 

Education:

I have chosen to take Psychology, Sociology and Art for A-Levels at Sixth Form. I'm aware that some of my audience aren't from the UK, so this means that I'll be starting senior year - for my beautiful Americans. 

After this, they're are two different routes that I am thinking of taking:

1. To go to University (college for my American beautifuls) and study Education then to do a             Masters Degree in Art Psychotherapy. 

2. To go to University and study Art Therapy 

Careers:

I've always always wanted to become a primary school teacher ever since I was in primary school myself which sounds a bit odd. I have always been the type of person to want to help younger people especially and I thought education was the best way. 

My dream job ever would be to become an art therapist because I absolutely love art and I absolutely love helping people. So this would be the perfect job, combining these two things. Having experienced therapy myself - and still going, I know the significance and difference it makes; I would love to make somebody else feel helped especially through art.

Relationships/my own family:

I'm not quite sure what I'm hoping for in terms of this but Insha'Allah the best can come my way. But I definitely hope to bring up a family of my own one day, Insha'Allah; that's all I'm going to say.

Other dreams:

• I would love to write and publish a book: fictional or even a self help book
• I've imagined about bringing out my own clothing line in the future as well as my own makeup brand 
• I hope to start YouTube and Insha'Allah to become successful and well known in terms of that
• It would be a dream come true if I ever got to work with Habiba Da Silva, or even meet her in fact
• I hope to inspire as many of my beautifuls out there and change as many lives I can, even in the very slightest 
• Most importantly, I hope to keep my friends and family proud, safe and happy

I love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

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sanz.shares: My Hijab Story

Hey beautifuls!

As requested, I am going to be sharing my Hijab Story with you all. I'm sorry if this post is fairly long but I hope you will stay interested in what I have to say. 

My Hijab Story may not be like others' that you may have read or watched but I guess that's a good thing isn't it?

So here is my story:

I came to the decision to start wearing the hijab a couple of months into year 7 which was in 2011-2012. 

2011-2012

2012

Starting with my reasons to why I made this decision: I know I was pretty young, at the age of 11 I felt like it was the right time to start wearing the hijab even though I didn't understand the concept fully. It just felt right at the time and even though this isn't a easy decision to make for us young girls especially, it just clicked with me. 

In 2005, I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to go to Saudi Arabia and complete Hajj and Ummrah. Alhamdulillah my parents were able to take me, considering that they had made this intention to take me once I was born. I am incredibly lucky and grateful. 

This experience had a huge influence to my decision in becoming a hijabi. I wanted to obey Allah(swt) as this is what He wants of us Muslim women, to guard our modesty; as well as this, I grew up around people who had always covered themselves, which taught me to see that this was the right way forward. It just made sense. 

Although I started wearing a headscarf, I only wore this to school and it wasn't until a year or two later when I began to cover my hair wherever I went. A had a gap in my knowledge to what it meant to take on the hijab as it isn't just about covering your hair but it is also intertwined with other elements. I was very passionate about wearing my headscarf despite having a lack of knowledge in the further reasoning behind it.

2015

It came to mid year 10 when I started to feel a bit unsure about my identity and my levels of insecurity were rising. Typical teenage life happened, the caring about what others think habit grew, trying to fit in with everyone and the thoughts of making sure I didn't seem too different from anyone were overwhelming me. 

As some of you know, this is roughly around the time where I got diagnosed with depression. (If you haven't read my blog post about my mental illness story then please check it out)

Long story short: I starting losing faith in Islam when my depression became unbearably bad for me. With this came the urge to quit wearing a headscarf, I stopped praying and simply just stopped caring about anything religion-related. I started showing my hair more on social media, I started to wear tighter clothes with the pressure of the latest trends and I just did not care. I know this might be a shock to some people but I am proud to say that I've found my faith again and Alhamdulillah I am doing well so far. 

During this time period, I continued to wear hijab even though I wasn't comfortable with it. I was too scared about the judgements I would have received if I took it off and I didn't want this to be an additional problem to the rest of the issues I was facing at the time so I just fought through it.

2016

I am aware that hijabi's receive a lot of discrimination about wearing a headscarf or even for the clothes they wear. The sad thing about this is that most of these comments and judgements come from other Muslimahs themselves which is completely wrong. 

No need to negatively comment on the way others dress but instead, kindly give them your opinion and guide them to the right path. 

I wear hijab for myself and Allah(swt) only, not for anybody else. Remember that beautifuls. 

Anymore questions to do with my hijab story then please comment or contact me! Don't forget to share!

Love you all beautifuls,

Sanyha xo

Revision Tips

Hey beautifuls!

It has been roughly two weeks since I've posted which actually seems like forever and I've missed it. If you haven't checked out my note page about the blog arrangements for the next few months then please click 'new blog arrangements' on the home page to find out more!

So this has been requested A LOT from you guys within the last month or so and I think this a very convenient time to share with you my thoughts and ideas on revision tips!

Just a quick disclaimer: this is my own strategy that I use and it may not work for everybody and you might not agree so find out what can work for you. 

Top Ten Tips

• Be and feel organised - if you don't know what you're doing and where everything is, it will be stressful 

• Treat yourself/take breaks - everybody says this but honestly, follow it. Decide something to look forward to on your revision break so you can stay motivated, but you have to be disciplined with yourself. 

• Food/drink/fresh air - this is so typical for everyone to say this but trust me guys, I've seen the difference that this makes and it's a huge one. Eating well, drinking lots of water especially and even going for a small walk will clear your mind and give you energy which then allows you to feel relaxed whilst revising.

• Phones - whether you deny it or not, phones are a big distraction especially for our generation. I'm guilty of it too, a lot in fact. I know it's hard but it's works, put your phone away! Just remember that you can go back to it on your breaks. 

• Be comfortable - make sure to have enough space around you for your books and revision and that you're happy with your workspace otherwise you won't be in the revision mode

• Timetables - if you haven't already, I strongly suggest that you start making a revision timetable. If you're struggling then feel free to contact me and I may be able to give you advice on how to make one

• Resources - this might help some people but I don't think it's the most productive way of revising, don't just stare at revision guides! I suggest printing off past papers, subject checklists, specification for your subjects as well as revision guides. 

• Revise in groups sometimes - Isolation can be a big problem with revision because some people may start to stress and overthink when they're alone revising when they'd much rather do something else like I do sometimes. Try to mix your revision a bit with group work and sharing ideas 

• Prioritising - I strongly recommend to follow this tip because you have to be a little bit firm with
yourself for the next few months, it just has to be done. Do not avoid your social life by any means but be reasonable because it's such an important time. The revision period will only last a few months and then think about everything to look forward to once exams are over! That should be your motivation to keep going. 

• Learn your revision style - it important to know which method of revising is more effective for you because different people revise differently, so once you know what works for you, you should be comfortable 

Revision strategies for my subjects:

PAST PAPERS ARE KEY TO EVERY SUBJECT YOU TAKE. 

Maths:  I make revision cue cards on each topics, starting from the content I find hardest. I use my maths textbook and previous notes to help me with this. I then like to use mathswatch which I find so so so useful as it talks you through each topic and the grade level of your choice and then it gives you questions to try yourself. 

English Language: I do past questions to improve on my writing style and understand fully what I am asked to do. Looking at exemplars help also. 

English Literature(poetry): I am re-annotating each poem, making sure I understand the poem fully. I strongly recommend MrBruff on YouTube, who talks through each poem. 

English Literature: I am going to be re-reading both of the texts that I've been studying and I am making notes on the characters, themes/ideas and also completing past questions 

Additional Science: I am making cue cards on Biology, Chemistry and Physics by starting with my weakest topics. I am making mind maps for Biology, Chemistry and Physics with concise and key notes. I also use myGCSEscience which is a lifesaver and I strongly recommend watching his videos. 

Child Development: I am making cue cards for each topic, starting with my weakest, then testing myself and doing past papers. 

Spanish Listening&Reading: I will be doing past papers and using VocabExpress. 

Remember that this is what works for me but if you would like to take some ideas from this then you're more than welcome. 

I hope everyone's revision is going well and I wish you all good luck!

For any more advice then please contact me. 

Only a few months of this and then we will be free beautifuls, love you all. 

Sanyha xo